December 13, 2009 Jeans and Judgement.
I’ve been saying for months now that I should go to the gym. Anytime a beautiful sweaty muscle-bound physical trainer saunters into my Starbucks, I recount the days when I used do samba, capoeira, and a few runs on the treadmill a week. I earnestly discuss the new stretches I’ll employ once I get back to the gym. And how I’ll try some of their exercise routines when I get back to the gym. And how I’ll drink protein shakes and eat bannanas once I get back to the gym.
Ask me how many times I’ve been to the gym
Well today I was in desperate need of new jeans because my ever increasing thighs rub together when I walk and caused those annoying rips on the inner thigh of much of my denim. Since I’ve been toying with the idea of upgrading my style, I envisioned the perfect clean cut high waisted skinny jeans that I’d buy from either H&M or American Eagle today. I figured if I found it for a good price I’d even pair it with a nice oversized chunky sweater.I happily swept up every trendy, skinny, cutesy piece of denim I could find with affordable chunky sweaters to match, headed to the dressing room and realized that my wardrobe upgrade had been:
The judgement was made. Nothing fit. I would like to chop it up to being bloated, but really it just came down to me being too fat. And because of the double mirror set up in H&M i was able to observe my muffin top. from all sides. Painful really, to know that my friends let me get this fat without telling me. I realized in that moment that my mother is probably the only person who loves me since she always tells me when I’m getting fat. I bought a cute ring and matching earrings and started brainstorming on who I could workout with to get rid of this monstrous belly that’s standing between me and my cute, skinny jeans, upgraded-H&M-look. I ate a veggie burrito today, skipped the soda, and walked home from the further bus stop. Check in with me 2 weeks later to see where I am with a diet and exercise plan and I guarantee it will be different than the nonexistent one I’ve been following lately.
On the way home, I thought about what it is that actually motivates us to move from what we know we should be doing, to actually DOING what we should be doing. Regarding exercise, it took coming to the painful realization that nothing that used to fit me is making its way past my ass anymore. What would it take regarding the many issues that are impacting our physical and socioeconomic environment. We know that hummer is polluting the hell out of our little city. We know taking time to encourage some kids to read for an hour or so each week is a better use of time than watching old America’s Next Top Model reruns or that taking time to actually participate in local and even national elections makes as much sense as playing farmtown on facebook. Today made me wonder what it takes for us to collectively bridge the gap between the world we envision for ourselves and the world we actually live in.
Maybe it takes examining our purpose in an H&M double mirror set up…and coming to terms with what no longer fits.